My Open Letter to Craig's List Personals
FOR ALL YOU LADIES WHO USE CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS
If this seems familiar, it’s because I’ve already posted a variation of this once. But much of it apparently bears repeating, and some of it has been revised to reflect recent experience. Yes, I wrote this from my own personal perspective, but trust me, I speak for many guys out there.
1. DON’T ASSUME ONE OR TWO DATES AUTOMATICALLY EQUALS A “RELATIONSHIP.” I hope we will end up liking each other enough for a relationship to develop. That’s the goal for both of us, right? But let’s be realistic. Even if we like each other and things seem to be going well, if we’ve had only one or two dates, it’s not a relationship yet. I’m not required to tell you where I was Friday night. If I haven’t mentioned I have a sister in Spain, I haven’t been keeping a “secret.” I’ll try to be as upfront as possible, but just because you don’t know every detail of my life doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve been “lying” to you.
2. IF ALL YOU WANT IS SEX. . . there are countless, and I do mean countless, guys for you, on Craig’s List and just in general. A surprising number of these men are upfront about this. Don’t assume I’m one of these men if I’ve given you no such indication. Believe it or not, some of us guys really do want a woman and not just a woman’s body. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got sexual urges as much as the next guy, and if the date/ relationship is going well, maybe we’ll get lucky in every sense of the phrase. But I’m more than just a penis, and if all you want to talk about is the size of my organ, and whether you spit or swallow, guess what, you’ve just turned me off, big time. It’s worth repeating: If this is all you care about, there are more than enough men willing to accommodate you, and they won’t be hard to find.
3. LEAVE YOUR MAN-HATING BITTERNESS AT HOME. This can’t be stressed enough. First of all, I’m hardly the right target audience for a lecture on how all men are the same. You won’t get any sympathy from me, because I’ll just wonder why you’ve put up with so many bastards and then saved up your anger for the well-meaning me. Second, if you approach a date with the attitude that all men are jerks/ liars/ out for only one thing/ afraid of commitment/ whatever, that’s not fair to me, and you’re setting us both up for failure. Why not get to know me first before assuming that all men are alike, and I’m just one of Them? I understand you may have been hurt in the past, I’ve been hurt too. I don’t open a conversation with “all women are evil.” Please return the courtesy.
4. READ THE AD I POSTED. Don’t ask me to meet you for lunch by Space Mountain if my ad says I live in Connecticut. If my ad says SWM, don’t start a correspondence and then tell me you date only black guys. And don’t ask me my age if my ad already says “34-yr-old.” I typed this stuff out for a reason. Why waste my time and yours by responding to an ad you didn’t even read first? And speaking of wasting time. . .
5. . . . STRINGING A GUY ALONG IS TOTALLY UNCOOL. I don’t care what your reason is. Maybe you’d like to meet but you’re too shy to take that first step, or maybe you think it’s funny to test how many times I’ll answer your emails when you secretly know I don’t have a chance in hell. Or maybe you’re just so “nice” that you don’t have the heart to admit you’re uninterested. (If this last one is the case, trust me, I have infinitely more respect for women who say “I don’t think it’s gonna work out, but good luck in your search.” Yeah, it’s as impersonal as a job interview, but at least it’s direct and honest.) No matter how cruel or well-intentioned your motivation may be, sending lots of emails that say “yeah let’s get together!” is, frankly, a disgusting thing to do if you know you’ll never really agree to any set plans. Ending a date with some variation of “we should do this again some time!” when you really have no intention of doing so – just because it seems the right thing to say at the time – is even worse. If the guy is into you, he’s going to keep calling and emailing until he “gets the point,” which will only annoy you and make him feel like a loser when he finally realizes you haven’t meant a word you said. Maybe you’ve broken a heart, or maybe he’ll just curse you out to his friends and then forget about it. Either way, not funny, not practical, and totally not cool.
Some of you women may find this ad to be insulting or maybe even unintentionally hilarious. Fine. If none of this applies to you – even better. I’m just trying to inject some should-be common sense into a process that has been far more insane than it has any right to be. Follow these simple rules, and you’ll save a lot of heartache on both sides.
If this seems familiar, it’s because I’ve already posted a variation of this once. But much of it apparently bears repeating, and some of it has been revised to reflect recent experience. Yes, I wrote this from my own personal perspective, but trust me, I speak for many guys out there.
1. DON’T ASSUME ONE OR TWO DATES AUTOMATICALLY EQUALS A “RELATIONSHIP.” I hope we will end up liking each other enough for a relationship to develop. That’s the goal for both of us, right? But let’s be realistic. Even if we like each other and things seem to be going well, if we’ve had only one or two dates, it’s not a relationship yet. I’m not required to tell you where I was Friday night. If I haven’t mentioned I have a sister in Spain, I haven’t been keeping a “secret.” I’ll try to be as upfront as possible, but just because you don’t know every detail of my life doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve been “lying” to you.
2. IF ALL YOU WANT IS SEX. . . there are countless, and I do mean countless, guys for you, on Craig’s List and just in general. A surprising number of these men are upfront about this. Don’t assume I’m one of these men if I’ve given you no such indication. Believe it or not, some of us guys really do want a woman and not just a woman’s body. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got sexual urges as much as the next guy, and if the date/ relationship is going well, maybe we’ll get lucky in every sense of the phrase. But I’m more than just a penis, and if all you want to talk about is the size of my organ, and whether you spit or swallow, guess what, you’ve just turned me off, big time. It’s worth repeating: If this is all you care about, there are more than enough men willing to accommodate you, and they won’t be hard to find.
3. LEAVE YOUR MAN-HATING BITTERNESS AT HOME. This can’t be stressed enough. First of all, I’m hardly the right target audience for a lecture on how all men are the same. You won’t get any sympathy from me, because I’ll just wonder why you’ve put up with so many bastards and then saved up your anger for the well-meaning me. Second, if you approach a date with the attitude that all men are jerks/ liars/ out for only one thing/ afraid of commitment/ whatever, that’s not fair to me, and you’re setting us both up for failure. Why not get to know me first before assuming that all men are alike, and I’m just one of Them? I understand you may have been hurt in the past, I’ve been hurt too. I don’t open a conversation with “all women are evil.” Please return the courtesy.
4. READ THE AD I POSTED. Don’t ask me to meet you for lunch by Space Mountain if my ad says I live in Connecticut. If my ad says SWM, don’t start a correspondence and then tell me you date only black guys. And don’t ask me my age if my ad already says “34-yr-old.” I typed this stuff out for a reason. Why waste my time and yours by responding to an ad you didn’t even read first? And speaking of wasting time. . .
5. . . . STRINGING A GUY ALONG IS TOTALLY UNCOOL. I don’t care what your reason is. Maybe you’d like to meet but you’re too shy to take that first step, or maybe you think it’s funny to test how many times I’ll answer your emails when you secretly know I don’t have a chance in hell. Or maybe you’re just so “nice” that you don’t have the heart to admit you’re uninterested. (If this last one is the case, trust me, I have infinitely more respect for women who say “I don’t think it’s gonna work out, but good luck in your search.” Yeah, it’s as impersonal as a job interview, but at least it’s direct and honest.) No matter how cruel or well-intentioned your motivation may be, sending lots of emails that say “yeah let’s get together!” is, frankly, a disgusting thing to do if you know you’ll never really agree to any set plans. Ending a date with some variation of “we should do this again some time!” when you really have no intention of doing so – just because it seems the right thing to say at the time – is even worse. If the guy is into you, he’s going to keep calling and emailing until he “gets the point,” which will only annoy you and make him feel like a loser when he finally realizes you haven’t meant a word you said. Maybe you’ve broken a heart, or maybe he’ll just curse you out to his friends and then forget about it. Either way, not funny, not practical, and totally not cool.
Some of you women may find this ad to be insulting or maybe even unintentionally hilarious. Fine. If none of this applies to you – even better. I’m just trying to inject some should-be common sense into a process that has been far more insane than it has any right to be. Follow these simple rules, and you’ll save a lot of heartache on both sides.
posted by Movie Man at
2:48 PM
1 Comments:
Well said my friend, well said! :)
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home