DVD review: Behind the Wall

Some movies are good, some movies are bad, and some movies are written so sloppily that you start to wonder if the screenwriters suffer from severe mental handicaps.  Behind the Wall, an almost-but-sadly-not-quite-laughably bad horror film about a haunted lighthouse, falls under the latter category.

James Thomas stars as Drew Cabot, the deputy mayor of a small coastal town that is, as a whole, financially broke.  Deputy Mayor Drew believes that the key to revitalizing the town is to hire developers to re-do the town lighthouse.  The movie never explains how developing the the lighthouse will benefit either the developers or the town.  Are they going to turn it into an amusement park?  Condos?  A tourist attraction?  The developers proudly show an artist's imagining of the finished project to a town meeting, and all it looks like is an oil painting of the exact same ol' lighthouse, with a slightly better paint job and greener grass.  Since the entire story is set into motion by the decision to move forward with Project Lighthouse, the fact that its goals remain entirely unexplained is no small matter to understanding the plot.

But okay, let's say, for the sake of suspension of disbelief, that Project Lighthouse is valid.  Can somebody please explain to me why Project Lighthouse necessitates two land-development executives, two hands-on contractors, and the deputy mayor himself to move in to the lighthouse?  How does that make any sense?!?  I mean, the contractors and the deputy mayor are local, they have houses right in the town.  Why would they need to move into the lighthouse they're working on?  Why does the deputy mayor have to be there at all?  And what could possibly motivate the spoiled NYC land-development executives to move into the small-town lighthouse they're going to re-model?  Does Harrison Bay not have a hotel or boarding house anywhere?  How about the surrounding towns?  How does this make any sense for these characters?  I mean, yes, obviously, the reason for all of this is clear, the writers needed an excuse to get a bunch of people into the lighthouse, for scary things to happen.  But couldn't they at least try to come up with something that makes some sort of sense?

Lindy Booth co-stars as Katelyn Parks, who lived in the lighthouse as a little girl until her mother was brutally murdered by an evil force in the basement and her father was unjustly convicted of her murder.  Since then, Katelyn has made it a point to live far away from Harrison Bay, but now she's lured back to the town after receiving a letter asking her to return home and vote against Project Lighthouse.  An element of mystery is introduced when the letter is signed by the Deputy Mayor, but Drew reveals he not only didn't send the letter, but he has no idea who did, or even who Katelyn is.  It later turns out that the letter was really sent by the one man who voted against Project Lighthouse, the elderly and semi-retired priest, Father Hendry.  The Father is an old family friend of the the Parkses, but for reasons that defy explanation, he apparently thought that a letter signed by a man Katelyn has never heard of would be more persuasive than just signing the letter himself.

Just to make the Father's motivation even muddier, as soon as Katelyn arrives, the Father repeatedly and urgently insists she leave for her own safety, because "it's not safe" and "there's nothing you can do here!"  Then why write the dang letter in the first place?  Seriously, why go to the trouble to track this woman down, write her a letter pleading with her to come home, sign someone else's name, and then immediately ask her to turn around and go back?

Similar instances of complete illogic run throughout.  For example, at one point, Katelyn is falsely arrested for one of the demon's murders.  The Deputy Mayor knows she's innocent, sees Katelyn in the sheriff's car, and tells one of the land developers, "I gotta go get Katelyn!"  The developer nods, and a moment later, Drew returns with Katelyn.  "You let her out?" the developer exclaims, apparently forgetting the dialogue that had occurred seconds before.

Or get this:  The characters eventually think they've figured out what's been causing the haunting -- a corpse that's been walled up in the basement -- and conclude that they must bury the body.  Even though this is an impromptu decision, they somehow all happen to have convenient shovels to do this, not to mention an old-fashioned lantern to provide some aptly creepy light and gothic atmosphere as they do this.  I guess I shouldn't complain about this scene, though, because at least it tries to create some kind of horror-movie mood, while most of the movie's attempts to scare people take place in broad daylight.  'Cause nothing screams "mortal terror" more than a beautiful sunny day, I guess.

Oh boy, this is one awful, awful movie.  You know, back when I saw Let's Scare Jessica to Death in 2009, I remember thinking that horror movies can't get much worse than that piece of schlock.  I stand corrected.