New to DVD: Grudge Match

About a block from where I live, there is a greasy spoon called "Dairy King."  The Dairy King menu is identical to the menu of fast-food chain Dairy Queen.  If you order the food, any given item is identical to its Dairy Queen counterpart.  The design of the Dairy King logo is identical to the Dairy Queen logo.  The proprietor of the Dairy King insists that his restaurant is completely unrelated to the Dairy Queen chain, but come on -- regardless of how much you like or dislike Dairy King's food, we all know a Dairy Queen when we see one, and changing the name does nothing to disguise it.

That's how you'll feel when watching Grudge Match, the latest boxing movie starring Sylvester Stallone.  You may like it.  You may not.  But though Stallone's character is here named "Henry 'Razor' Sharp," and the writers gave Razor his own back-story, let's be honest, we all know a Rocky movie when we see it.

The Rocky formula is followed rather closely, with Rocky -- uh, sorry, I mean Razor -- a good-hearted, average working-class joe trying to make ends meet, when a boxing promoter (Kevin Hart) asks Razor to come out of retirement for one more bout in the ring.  Razor knows it's a bad idea medically, but he's got bills to pay, people everywhere (except for his love interest, of course) are pressuring him to fight, and gol-dang it, he's gotta prove to himself that he has one more fight in him.  So he talks his reluctant, wise-cracking old trainer Mickey -- uh, I mean, Louis "Lightning" Conlon (Alan Arkin) -- out of retirement, and starts training, leading up to the eventual climactic showdown.

Change the names, and the plot is identical -- identical -- to nearly every single Rocky movie ever released.  As with the most recent official Rocky movie, 2006's Rocky Balboa, Stallone's unlikely age for a boxing match is not only addressed, but made a central plot point and theme of the movie.

I will give this to Grudge Match:  It does stray ever so slightly from the Rocky formula by humanizing Stallone's opponent.  Clubber Lang and Ivan Drago were intentionally not depicted as three-dimensional characters in the Rocky series, and even the eventually likable Apollo Creed didn't become a sympathetic character until his character's role was changed from opponent to friend.  By contrast, Razor's opponent, Billy "the Kid" McDonnen (Robert DeNiro) has not one but several scenes that portray him sympathetically, and we get to know him as a person much more than we ever get to know any of Rocky's opponents.  The writers especially focus on the issue of old age to make us feel for Kid almost as much as we do for Razor, since (as the movie repeatedly reminds us) in a way, Kid and Razor have to fight the physical and social aspects of aging much more than they have to fight each other.

Still, every time we start to feel for Kid (he's never referred to as "the Kid," except for when his full name is used), the writers have him act like a jerk, and just in case we miss the message on which one of these aging pugilists is supposed to be the hero, we're given a back-story in which Kid sadistically ruined Razor's love-of-his-life by sleeping with Razor's onetime would-be fiancee (Kim Basinger).  So despite the writers' cursory attempts to depict Kid and Razor as in the same boat, there really is no question of who we're supposed to be rooting for during the climactic fight at the end.  (Kid does do something rather noble at the end, but even this gesture is given moral ambiguity, as he's also given a self-serving motivation for this action.)

Best thing about the movie: Kevin Hart in a comical supporting role as manipulative promoter Dante Slate, Jr.  He is given all the best lines, and delivers them with masterful comic delivery.  (Hart's post-credits scene is the best scene in the movie.)  Alan Arkin, as Razor's elderly trainer, is also given a purely comical role, but the character is a sadly intriguing study in what happens when you give a gifted comic actor dumb jokes.

Worst thing about the movie: Kim Basinger as Sally Rose, the love interest for both Kid and Razor.  Basinger's performance can't be faulted, but the character is written blandly, and serves only one purpose, which is entirely unnecessary: to give Kid and Razor one more reason to hate each other.  The movie has already provided enough reasons, though, leaving Basinger nothing to do but slow the action down to a grinding halt whenever her character appears.

So, is Grudge Match a good movie?  I'm not gonna answer yes or no, because if you still have to ask, you may have missed the whole point I've been making:  If you like the Rocky movies, you'll like Grudge Match, if you don't, you won't.  It's really that simple, as any and all differences between this and any given Rocky movie are mere window dressing.